The inspiration for this reflection comes from a podcast I recently listened to. I’ve attached a link for context.
I have been blessed with an incredible loving and wise father. My dad is one of the focal points in this discussion about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, particularly Wisdom. Wisdom is an interesting concept. When I talk to my students about this, I make sure to define Wisdom in conjunction with Prudence. Simply put, Wisdom is seeing the big picture, but Prudence is seeing what’s best in a particular situation. While it may be wise to punish your child for lying, if they were coerced or consumed with fear when they told the lie, the severity of the punishment ought to be mitigated. It’s a delicate balance for all parents and perhaps this is worth exploration in another post.
This podcast called to mind a moment that I haven’t been able to forget, nor was I yet able to understand the lesson that the Lord was teaching me through my child.
I don’t always handle fights with my wife well. Sometimes I’m angry that she isn’t what I want her to be, or understanding what I want her to understand, and I go isolationist. Coldly ignoring her in the same space, putting my things away but not her things, and other immature and shameful petty actions like that. The cause of the fight this story is addressing completely escapes me. (How often Satan preys on our weakness by using our pride to blind us to the insignificance of things which cause us to harm others) I was up in the morning and shamefully moping. I wanted everyone to know it. I was completely given into sloth and neglecting not just my wife but my daughters as well. I find joy in making breakfast for my family, even if it’s just making sure everyone has a bowl of cereal or protein bar, but I wasn’t in the mood for joy this day.
After an extended morning silence, my younger daughter walked into the kitchen where I was doing nothing of value, and spoke the first thing the household heard that day. “Are we going to eat?”
At the 10:40 mark of the podcast above, the host refers to my pastor who says that “a child’s natural inclination is to accept that breakfast is always going to be there in the morning. Children only unlearn that expectation.” Reflecting on this now months later, I realized that this was the most egregious dereliction of duty I may have ever committed. I had given myself full responsibility for providing this meal, and then in my shortcomings I had decided it was mine to give or mine to take away. This is not how God the Father operates and it’s not how a truly masculine father ought to operate either. As Saint Thomas Aquinas defines “an effeminate man is one who withdraws from good on account of sorrow caused by lack of pleasure, yielding as it were to a weak motion.” This role of fatherhood requires strength, and it doesn’t always return pleasure. Learning that pleasure isn’t necessary to fulfill the role is perhaps the greatest step towards living the vocation. It frees us from looking outward for validation in the role, and grounds us solidly in a peace and joy that dwarfs something as transient as pleasure.
This is what God the Father is to us, and this is what we must be to those we have been given stewardship over in this life. God ensures that the breakfast is on the table by providing the Body and Blood of His only Son for our nourishment. He ensures that the eternal banquet will be waiting for us after we wake up from this life.
I think this is what Christ meant in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 18. “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,* you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4c Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5* And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.” I think all of us men and fathers have a lot of unlearning of our unlearning to do, and the wisdom of our children can help guide us back to expecting that God will provide for us what we need each day and beyond.
As I was listening to the very same podcast in the car with my family, my youngest daughter was answering all the questions from the back seat that the hosts were presenting. It was reassuring that I only truly fail if I give up the fight.